Trading Places
by KricketWilliams
Summary: Derek thinks Penelope has it easier than him. Penelope thinks Derek has it easier than her. What happens if fate intervenes, and they get to find out? Posted for the Freaky Friday challenge on CCOAC. I don't own diddly squat.
1. Chapter 1

_AN: I wrote this silly thing a long time ago (March) and was waiting for after Sunsets and Sheep to post it, when lo and behold, Ilovetvalot and Tonnie posted this Freaky Friday prompt...LOL...This completely fits the bill..It's a touch cliche, but I still hope you love it like I do..._

**Chapter 1**

Penelope swirled her finger in the glittering amber liquid of her rum and coke. It was strong drink night at the bar. She was irritated at Kevin, sad about Emily, and not exactly pleased with her best friend, the agent sitting on the stool next to her, at the moment.

"I'm telling you," he said, taking a long pull from his bottle of beer. "You girls have it easy."

"Girls?" she retorted with a glare. "It is _women_, mind you, Mr. Chauvinist, and we do NOT have it easier."

He scoffed and made a face. "Yes, you do."

Narrowing her eyes even more, she glared at him. "Explain, mister."

"Okay," he said, rising to the challenge. "Take my girlfriend, Kayla. We've been dating for..." He paused to think, took some time, but still looked blank. "What is it? Six weeks?"

She quirked a grin at him. "If you have to ask me, Hot Stuff, that ain't a good sign."

He laughed, and continued, "Anyway, the other day, she talked to me about taking a trip together. Going on a little Spring break holiday, some dancing in the sun…" He brought his hands up, started doing a little groove while still sitting on the bar stool.

She rolled her eyes. "So what is the problem?"

"Kayla doesn't realize that I need to put requests for time off way in advance," he said. "She wants to go right away, and I can't do that."

She nodded. "True."

"So how did she handle it?" he asked, his eyebrow raised in an all knowing fashion. It made her hesitant to hear what he was going to say next…

"She started to cry," he answered, giving her a knowing look. "It worked like a charm. I felt so damned guilty, I started up with all those _Honey, please don't cry_ statements and all that…"

"That's your problem you caved," she retorted with a disgusted chuckle. "Kayla's not a woman; she's a spoiled brat."

"And you would've handled it differently?" he asked, that superior brow raised again.

She scoffed, insulted that he'd think she'd pull a _Kayla_. "Of course, I would've."

"Hmmm," he said, tapping his chin with a long finger. "I seem to remember you crying to Kevin over a few things...like not wanting Christmas in Nebraska..."

She gasped in outrage. "That is different, Derek!"

She couldn't believe he brought that up. She'd had a massive argument with unreasonable Mrs. Lynch, JJ had just left the BAU, and her systems had crashed. If she'd gone, she would've been in a piss poor mood the whole time. She simply couldn't have tolerated heading out there this year.

"Really," he said flatly, taking another pull of his beer, shaking his head.

"Dammit, Morgan!"

"I disagree." He narrowed his eyes at her, like a prosecutor did to a criminal on the stand. "You used your feminine wiles, your_ emotions_, just like Kayla did."

"I did not!" she huffed.

He took another drink of his beer. "Actually made me feel sorry for the poor bastard…"

That was unforgivable. Morgan knew if she didn't do all the work in her relationship with Kevin half—no, three quarters of the time, there would be no Kevin and Penelope. Kayla cried all the time over _nothing_. For her to cry once...there was no comparison.

Chugging the rest of her rum and coke, she slammed the glass on the counter and stood up. "Derek Morgan, you are an egotistical, self-centered, rotten, chauvinistic-"

"You forgot lovable."

"ASS of a man!" she yelled, drawing the attention of other people in the bar. "The day you have to worry about arranging relationships, keeping order, doing everything that men are _mentally incapable_ of doing, _then_ you can say how you have it harder!"

He looked absolutely contrite. "Baby, I was teasing—"

She didn't stay to listen to any more of his prattling. Instead, she hurried out the door.

* * *

><p>"Women have it easier," Penelope muttered to herself, viciously scrubbing the makeup off her face. "If he had one iota of a clue as to what it was like to be a woman-"she glared at her reflection in the mirror "-he'd be running scared!"<p>

Padding into her room on her yellow fuzzy slippers, she sat on her bed, kicked them off, and slid under the covers.

Her last thought, as she pulled her blanket up under her chin, was _I'd change places with him in a heartbeat._

* * *

><p>Derek finished with his shower. He'd thought if he took a warm shower, he'd feel a lot better.<p>

He knew he shouldn't have talked to Penelope that way. He'd known he hadn't been in a good mood before the night started, but it had just spiraled into a worse situation. Usually he went out with Penelope to have fun—she was the light in his life—but that hadn't seemed possible from the get go tonight.

He'd argued with Kayla on the phone minutes before he'd entered the bar. She really wasn't a good match for him, he knew it, but she was pretty and good in bed. He seriously hadn't had a decent girlfriend since Tamara Barnes, and that had been very temporary.

His problem was Penelope, and how she treated him. He was only her best friend, and yet she doted on him, making his favorite cookies and teasing him to distraction. He assumed Lynch had even better treatment from her. Because of that, he compared his girlfriends to her. He kept thinking to himself how much he wished Kayla was more like Penelope, more warm and approachable, more easy going. Kayla cried over nothing; Penelope didn't get upset at half the crap Lynch put her through.

Seriously, Penelope deserved a lot better than Lynch, but he was done thinking that _better_ was him. After nearly six years, he knew it was beyond pathetic to moon after someone he was never going to get.

He crawled into bed, naked as usual. She was damned wrong. Men had it a lot harder. They had emotions, but they didn't really have anyone to talk to them about. He couldn't exactly share all this with Hotch or Reid or Rossi—Hell, no!—so he had to stifle it, and man up.

Yet another thing women had easier.

He yawned, and flipped over, his last thought being, _I'd change places with her in a heartbeat_.


	2. Chapter 2

_AN: Thanks so much for taking time to review! ...This is quirky, but fun...Thank you for taking the leap of faith and continuing to read..._

**Chapter 2**

The first thing Penelope noticed when she woke up was that she was hot. Really, really hot. She felt like she was absolutely boiling; maybe she was becoming ill? Shrugging that thought off, she reasoned that she'd probably overdressed for bed. She remembered that she'd worn her flannel "Hello Kitty" pajamas with the little glitter cat face buttons. That set of PJs covered her from neck to ankles and kept her uber warm and toasty. Usually, she was a freeze baby at night.

Feeling sweat roll down her back, she reached up to tug at the neckline…and felt nothing there. Had she stripped? She put a hand on her chest and felt that it was bare…and hard…and flat.

Something was very, very wrong.

Immediately, she sat up as her eyes flew open, and she let out a squeal of fright, but it didn't sound like a squeal. It sounded more like a deep _Huh!_

And she could see. She could see all the way to the other side of Derek's bedroom, where his dresser was. Usually, she couldn't see her hand in front of her face, but…

Wait.

_Derek's bedroom?_

She closed her eyes, flopped back on her back, and threw her arm over her eyes. She took a deep breath and tried to rationalize what the hell was going on. Had she fallen asleep with Morgan? Maybe that was it, and…

"Too much rum last night," she muttered, but her voice was a deep, low purr…like a certain sculpted god of chocolate thunder.

_This can't be happening. This. Can't. Be. Happening, _she chanted internally, like a meditation mantra.

Slowly, she raised her hand in front of her face and reopened her eyes. It was a familiar hand in front of her, one she had seen a million times, one that had soothed her when she was sad. She loved that hand. Yep, a wonderful hand with long, tapered fingers, colored a beautiful mocha hue that was so familiar.

Familiar…but not _hers_.

"Sweet mother of God," she exclaimed, Derek's voice answering her. She looked down at her chest—her perfectly sculpted chest—and ran her hands over it. She touched her face, felt her morning stubble, and her goatee. She went to lift the blankets…

Then immediately thought that Derek was doing the same thing and felt mortification roll over her.

Quickly, she sat up—far more quickly than she normally would be, she thought wryly, courtesy of Derek's great abs—and reached for the phone, dialing her home number.

One ring did it. "Baby Girl?" her own voice asked, sounding so forlorn and hesitant, it made her smile. At least she wasn't the only one shocked to shit!

"Yeah, Hot Stuff," she answered. He sounded exactly as shell shocked as she did.

"Damn, girl, what the fuck happened?"

It was odd hearing her own voice saying the F word...but that was the _least _of their problems right now!

"An eternally perplexing cosmic joke played on us by Gods far greater than us?" she answered in a rhetorical question.

He laughed, but it sounded like herself laughing. She was so confused, she could barely think.

"Seems like it," Derek said.

They were both very quiet for a moment, as if they were absorbing what was really happening, and then she spoke. "We should get together and talk about this."

"Yes," he said. "I'll come over. Where do you keep Esther's keys?"

"In the kitchen on the counter," she answered. "D…I think we should call in sick."

"What?" he asked, a slight teasing tone in his voice. "Don't want to tackle an UnSub today?"

She chuckled. "You are a two finger typer. Don't you think everyone will find it crazy odd?"

"Don't you think they'll find it suspicious we both called in together?" he countered.

"No," she said honestly. "Baby boy, we've done that before in the past, just to hang out."

"True," he said with barely a laugh.

Almost immediately, they were quiet again. That seemed to be the natural occurrence when something thoroughly blew a person's mind. Penelope's gut was churning, and she felt antsy, like she needed to blow off steam.

"Baby Girl," he said softly, "we _will_ get through this."

She felt a fat tear slide down her cheek and caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror across the room. Her big brown, dark chocolate Derek eyes looked so sad, which only made her more miserable.

"I know…"

* * *

><p>Derek was blind as a bat. He couldn't even see his hand in front of his face. He reached immediately for the glasses he prayed were on the end table near her bed and slid them on. Immediately, the world became crystal clear.<p>

He stood up, getting ready to get dressed. The moment his feet hit the floor, he got a chill and shivered. His feet felt really cold, which surprised him. He was usually hotter than hell, which was why he slept nude…

_Oh, damn_, he thought, and then shrugged. Lots of women had seen him naked; adding P to the mix wasn't that big of a deal.

The urge to go to the bathroom hit. At least that was the same for both of them—he always had to piss first thing in the morning. He noticed his lime green painted toenails, and then slid his freezing feet into the nearest pair of slippers and padded into the bathroom.

Closing his eyes—Penelope wouldn't be as comfortable with him knowing her nakedness as he was with her knowing his—he took care of business in the toilet, and then washed his hands. Looking in the mirror at the face he knew and loved, he wasn't surprised at all how beautiful she was. First thing in the morning, most women needed their makeup, but not his P. Her blonde hair was a tangled cloud around her head, her face sleep creased, but she was still lovely.

Reaching for a brush, he began to work his way through tangles, wincing as he brushed. He liked her gorgeous blonde locks; he'd brushed it for Penelope many times before. He brushed it all out until it crackled and shone, and then put the brush away. He saw a big barrette with a flower and thought about tossing it in his hair, but decided quickly against it. He wasn't about to try any fancy hairstyles today!

He wandered into her closet next, looking for an appropriate outfit. Derek didn't have the best color sense. He wore dark shirts and dark pants, all colors that went together. This closest looked like a paint store had thrown up in it. Reaching for what he thought was a nice matching shirt and a skirt—Damn, did she even own pants?—he took them off the hangers and put them on the bed.

Removing his pajama shirt, Derek looked up and caught his visage in the mirror on the door and stopped dead in his tracks.

"Oh…_fuck_, yeah…"

It was like lightening had hit him. Derek loved women, but he was primarily a breast man. From what he could tell through her clothes, he'd guessed Penelope's were spectacular. However, he loved his best friend, and he wanted her to have that respect of him not staring at her body. He had intended on dressing without gawking, but he'd underestimated those tits greatly.

Looking over at the largest, most perfect set of breasts he had ever seen, breasts he had dreamed about for about six years running, he couldn't help but stare. Pale, unmarred white orbs with light pink, pouting, gumdrop sized nipples that were hardening as he watched, begging for him to suckle them.

Reaching his hands up to cup those heavy breasts and lift them to the light, he watched again across the room at the mirror. He saw her cheeks flushed with desire, her eyes midnight blue and lit with pure want, and a low throb that had begun near his stomach, in his _core_, intensified.

He'd didn't realize how much he'd wanted her to look like that at him until that moment.

Wanting a closer look, he glanced down at his hands caressing her…and he noticed they were her hands, beautifully painted in that same shade that her toes were done in. He immediately felt the fiery want he'd had simmer down.

They were her hands, her body, and she was his best friend. She deserved better than him playing with her to get a cheap thrill.

He stopped thinking with his dick-Was that even possible right now?-and reached for the bra she had hanging on her bedroom doorknob. He quickly fastened it and methodically went about the rest of getting dressed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

_AN: Thanks so much for reading along on this crazy experiment. Poor P and D—what would you do if this happened to you?...Wait...waking up in a hunk's body...having it all to myself...Maybe that wouldn't be too bad..._

Penelope took it on herself to call in for them. She knew there was no way they would be able to do this charade at work. Her coworkers were far too intuitive; one look, and they'd guess that something was going on. Although, they probably wouldn't guess this... Who on earth would?

And to be honest, she really didn't want to tackle an UnSub.

It was funny. She'd always wondered what it would be like to be a man. When she'd thought about it, she'd automatically thought she would want to do things like tackle an UnSub, drink beer, burp loudly, and scratch herself in public. None of those things were rising to the forefront right now. In fact, she felt remarkably like herself, only with fantastic abs of steel. She was simply a Penelope in Derek's clothing—or lack thereof, as was the case!

Now that...that interested her. She seriously wanted to sneak a peak at the _heat source_ of her Hot Stuff, curious girl that she was. Although any part of him naked would be beautiful; he kept in tip top shape. That part, well...she really _did_ have to pee; that would be the optimal time to casually glance at the entire fantastic sculpted chocolate package. She could see, too, if those random rumors she'd heard over the years were true.

However, she wanted to treat Derek's body with as much dignity and respect as she could. After all, she expected he'd do the same for her, since he cared about her like she cared about him. It was just natural curiosity. That's all. Yep.

Not quite ready to face the music—she needed to calm down a bit—she picked up the phone and dialed work, changing her focus completely.

"Behavioral Analysis Unit; Reid speaking."

"Hi, my sweet heap of gray matter," she said, before she remembered that she sounded like Derek.

She was met with utter silence.

When he finally did speak, it was with a sense of humor behind it. "Umm...Morgan? I...ah...didn't know you were trying out new nicknames?"

"Uh...uh...Penelope was calling you that this morning, and I automatically said it," she said, hoping he'd take the excuse and run with it.

No such luck.

"Oh, okay." Reid paused, and then said, "Would you like to speak to fuzzy bear Hotch or sweetheart Rossi, while you're at it?"

"Shut up, kid," she said in her best intonation of what Derek would say. Besides, the words actually fit at the moment.

"All right," Reid commented with a chuckle. "Geez, Morgan. Wake up on the wrong side of the bed?"

Lord, he didn't know the half of it!

"Listen, Penelope had some car troubles; she's stranded far away," she lied, feeling like a dog for having to tell a fib. "We aren't going to be able to make it in. I'm helping her out."

"Where about is she stranded?"

"No time. I have to go to the bathroom," Penelope said, hanging up the phone quickly, not wanting to lie anymore—or risk being discovered. Besides, that urge to go to the bathroom was getting unbearable.

Kicking off the comforter, she stood and immediately gasped when she looked down those perfectly sculpted, flat abs. Good Lord! How did he fit that thing into his pants?

She could feel her cheeks flushing and felt even worse when his penis started to rise to attention. Her eyes kept getting wider and wider as the erection grew longer and longer. _How do you stop this thing?_ she wondered in vain, as it reached its full, throbbing—and kind of painful!—glory.

Strangely, the urge to pee left completely once she got to that state.

Well, now she saw it, and the rumors were true. It was really beautiful, so thick and long. It made her mouth water. She loved oral sex, loved to give it and get it, but she'd never done it to one that looked like that. On impulse, she grasped it with her hand and squeezed hard, feeling pleasurable sensations shoot through her body, radiating over her back and legs, and then concentrating in her groin. She wondered if she would even be able to fit her mouth around that, if ever given the chance. She couldn't make her fingers do it, and it was Derek's huge hand she was using.

That thought—Derek's hand—brought her back to where she was. This was Derek's private self she was playing with. He deserved better than that.

"Oh, Hot Stuff, I'm sorry," she murmured to herself, with tears of shame wetting her eyes. The erection began to wane somewhat from the rigid state it was in, and a while later, it was back to its normal, somnolent state.

She went into the bathroom to relieve herself and finish the morning ablutions before Derek arrived.

* * *

><p>"Hey," she said half an hour later, opening the front door to let him...her...<em>Derek<em> in.

"Hi, baby," he said, wrapping an arm around her.

Instinctively, she wrapped her arms around him in a protective gesture, one that he had given her so many times, one that had given her solace. She was struck by the warmth of her own body against her, the sweet smell of lilies and soap that rose to caress her nostrils. It was very pleasant, holding herself.

Derek sighed against her, and then chuckled. "I don't think I have ever made that sound before in my life!"

She grinned. "I do it every time you hold me."

Before she knew what was happening, she leaned down and kissed the top of his head. It was an automatic thing, like she simply had to do it.

He looked up at her and smiled. "I do that every time, too."

Penelope looked into her own eyes, so warm and trusting, and felt a stirring in her heart—and something else. It was...different, seeing herself through his eyes. Really weird. Like she was filtered though a lens, rose colored glasses, and was so much _better_ than she normally was. She couldn't explain it...it was just how she felt.

Derek's phone rang. He stared at it, and then said, "You'd better answer that."

Penelope picked up the phone and said, "Morgan."

"Hi, Der bear. It's Kayla," a husky voiced woman said on the other line. "I still have the tickets for our show tonight. Don't forget."

She mouthed to Derek, _It's Kayla!_

"Oh, fuck, P," he swore swiftly.

"Derek? Is that a woman's voice?" Kayla asked.

"Uhh...no," she said, figuring she wasn't really lying. Derek was a man...technically.

"You canceled last month, Derek," she said, sounding irritated. "Please don't cancel on me again."

Penelope knew Derek cared for Kayla; she couldn't let him down and lose his girlfriend because this horrible thing happened. Sooner or later, they'd be back in their own bodies, back in their own lives.

Hopefully.

With a sigh, she said, "I'll be there, sweetheart."

Kayla squealed with glee. "Oh, I am so glad! And Derek?"

"What?"

Her voice dropped another octave. "I'm wearing the panties you like..."

She groaned miserably as she hung up the phone.

"God, Penelope," Derek hissed. "Are you _insane_? What did you do that for?"

"I didn't want to ruin your love life, Derek Morgan!" she snipped back at him."That's why I did it."

He looked deservedly sheepish. "Oh. Oh...thank you." He sighed heavily, and then sat down. "Well, that was very nice...but don't expect me to go out with Lynch."

Penelope felt her heart racing. "Oh, frack..."

He opened one eye, looked at her, and then started shaking his head. "Oh, no. _Hell, no_. I am NOT going out with Lynch!"

"Kevin. Call him Kevin," she said. "And you have to. It's our make-up anniversary date...the one I had to cry about."

"You're kidding."

"No!" she cried. "I wish I was."

He narrowed his eyes at her. "Should I wear sexy panties, too?"

"Of course not," she said. "A quick, rudimentary date. That's all."

He arched a brow at her, which surprised her, since he did it from her own face. She'd tried to do that a million times and couldn't, yet he'd just managed to do it in a heartbeat. "No hanky panky?"

She shook her head. "Heavens, no. I am not going to sleep with Kayla, either."

"Good!" he retorted. "Although you'd have the better end of the deal. I don't think Lynch would be much of a firecracker in bed."

"It's _Kevin_! And be nice," she snapped irritatedly.

"This is going to be hell," he muttered. "I can't stand that geeky bastard, and now he is going to be fawning all over me like he always does to you."

"Kevin doesn't like you very much, either," Penelope said back. "And he does not fawn."

He didn't respond. In fact, they were quiet, both too upset to speak. Instead of feeling better, they felt worse.

Tired of feeling like she couldn't do anything, she stood and said, "We have to do something; I can't stand this."

"Yeah," he said, standing, too. "We have research to do. Maybe we can figure this out and get back to the way we were."

For some reason, neither of them felt very hopeful of that.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

_AN:Thanks for the reviews, everyone! I have to tell you guys, I truly loved writing this thing...Now, here comes the dates..._

After spending the majority of the day unable to change their fate in any way, Penelope and Derek found themselves facing their destinies...and their dates. They groomed and dressed him, and then hurried to her apartment so that she could get ready.

"Here," Penelope said, curling Derek's hair into a more Penelope style. As she primped him, she talked about her relationship, giving him little cues and such. "Kevin never orders fish. He's a meat and potato man, so don't comment—"

"You must really love him to know all that stuff about him," Derek said thoughtfully, staring at her.

"Yes," she said, but that had caused her to think. The things she was telling Derek had more to do with regularity and routine, more than it did with love, when she thought about it. She didn't feel that great about it, thinking of that.

"I'm happy for you," he said, but his voice had an odd catch. He coughed shortly after.

"Thanks," she answered, and then spritzed his bangs. "That should do it."

"It looks gorgeous, Baby Girl," he said, smiling back at her in the mirror. His lips quirked. "Not something I'd _normally_ wear, mind you..."

"I go for the hairy face look, too, most of the time, Hot Stuff," she quipped, stroking the goatee he'd trimmed for her.

He laughed, her usual tinkling laughter, which made her smile. They both looked great, a lot like themselves. She'd managed to get him dressed in one of her favorite dresses, one that showed her decolletage to perfection, and even helped him with tights. She'd thought she had managed to wear Derek's clothes just fine, until he'd walked up to her.

"Only a grandpa wears his pants that high, woman," he'd said, shaking his head as he'd tugged his pants down lower on her hips.

Now that they were almost ready, she remembered he hadn't said much. She asked him about Kayla. "Anything I should know?"

"Just let her talk about herself," he said with a shrug. "That's what she normally does."

That made her sad; Derek deserved better than some self-centered woman. She needed to fix that for him sometime soon, but not tonight. She had enough to worry about tonight.

She smiled, and then reached for Derek and gave him a hug. That sweet smell rose again and comforted her.

"It's six. I'd better go," she murmured, kissing the top of his head again in that uncontrollable gesture.

"Yeah," he said, holding her tighter. "Lynch will be here any minute."

The knock sounded on the door. "Speak of the devil," he said with a derisive chuckle.

Penelope opened the door and beamed at Kevin. "Hello, Kevin."

Kevin gave her a scowl—a rather nasty one. One she'd never seen from him before. "Agent Morgan. Why are _you_ here?"

"Penelope needed some help with her car," she said.

Kevin's eyes narrowed even more. "I'm sure you were pleased to _help_ her, Agent Morgan."

Penelope had never noticed the outright hostility Derek had to deal with when it came to Kevin. That surprised her. She had a very manly feeling that she wanted to lift him up by his rather homely tie and shake him.

Instead, she said, "See you around...Lynch."

* * *

><p>Kayla was a definite bottle blonde. Penelope was, too, normally, but it just wasn't the same caliber as this woman.<em> Everything<em> about Kayla screamed cheap goods. Flashing like the K-mart blue light special. A Wal-Mart rollback, a—

"Derek, darling," she said with a pout. "Aren't you enjoying the music?"

The all important ticket she'd had was to a local jazz quartet, who couldn't play to save their lives. Off tune and discordant, they were absolutely miserable. She was going to have to make D pay for this when she saw him again. Being next to Kayla, who bathed in Calvin Klein _Eternity_, batted her eyes at her every five seconds, and chatted incessantly, was bad enough, but adding this terrible band was _torture_.

She smiled at Kayla. "It's wonderful. Peachy keen."

Kayla raised her eyebrows at her. "Peachy...keen?"

"Um...yeah. It...uh...rocks."

* * *

><p>"Penelope, you look scrumptious tonight," Lynch said as he crossed the floor to Derek. He gripped him in his arms—a mighty grip for such a twerpy nerd—and pulled him into his embrace. He went to give Derek a kiss, but Derek turned his head, just missing his lips.<p>

"Thank you, Lynch. I appreciate it," Derek said.

Kevin looked astounded. "Penelope?"

"What?"

"Did you just call me _Lynch_?"

Derek blanched and quickly backpedaled. "Oh, no, no... you were mistaken. I called you _lover_. Yes. _Lover_."

* * *

><p>Thankfully, the program was over. Penelope was more than glad to take Kayla home; she'd had enough of the woman to last her a lifetime.<p>

As she drove to Kayla's home, the blonde leaned over, resting her breasts on Penelope's arm. They were sizable, but they were hard. Penelope almost rolled her eyes; even those were fake.

"Take me home, Derek, and come inside," she purred.

"Not tonight, honey," Penelope said as softly as she could.

That petulant look entered Kayla's face again. "It's been over a week, Derek. I miss you. Come on," she whined.

"No, darling."

That was a nickname Kayla used a lot. _Darling_.

"It'll be fun," she said in a sing song voice. She grinned enticingly. "I will even let you call me that nickname again, when you coooome."

Penelope fought a gag. Lord help her.

"You know, I like it,"—she fluttered her eyelashes—"you calling me_ Baby Girl_."

Penelope swerved off the road. "What!"

"Derek, are you okay?"

"No, I am so uberly _not_ okay!" she exclaimed.

* * *

><p>"It's him again, isn't it?" Kevin snapped at Derek.<p>

"What?"

"You've been distant, daydreaming, barely paying attention to what I am doing or saying. That adds up to two words, like it always does," he snarled, glaring at Derek. "Derek Morgan."

"Look, I—"

"I have been telling you for months, _years_, that your relationship with him is inappropriate. It's obvious you feel more for him that you let on," he growled. "I have about had it, Penelope. Up to here." Kevin put his hand near his eyebrows.

"Or what, Lynch?" Derek said. He hated ultimatums and didn't think Penelope should have to deal with them, either. This cocky, good-for-nothing, ass of a man needed to step back and stop badgering her.

"I've put up with a lot from you, Penelope," he hissed. "More than your average boyfriend would. Not many would deal with a threesome with the sometimes invisable third partner!"

"That's bullshit," Derek said, glaring at him. "You are so fucking lucky to have—"

"That's it!" Kevin snarled. "Him or me, Penelope?"

Derek smiled to himself. That choice was easy.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

_AN: Thanks so much for the reviews! Wanted to get this out there before I pop popcorn, sit back, and squee for my favorite team in the whole world (the BAU team, of course!) Happy Wednesday, everyone!_

Derek was sitting on Penelope's couch, easing off the uncomfortable pair of tights he'd had to wear. How electric blue tights went with the hot pink dress he was wearing, he didn't have a clue, but he'd worn them anyway because Penelope had wanted him to.

"Pompous...son of a...bitch," he growled, yanking at the toe of the tights while hopping on one foot. They seemed to stretch forever and ever and ever. "Worthless...good for nothing..."

"Peel them from your waist, Derek," Penelope snapped, coming into the bedroom. "You're going to tear a hole in them."

He wondered for a second how she'd gotten in, and then remembered it was her place; of, course she had a key.

"Well excuuuuse me," he snipped back at her.

"Hey," she hissed. "I didn't ruin your damned tie; you don't ruin my tights!"

He put his hands on his hips and looked back at her. "Well, I wouldn't have had to wear your precious tights if I hadn't had to tolerate two hours with dumb ass Lynch!"

"You leave Kevin out of this," she growled, stepping closer to Derek. She was nose to nose. "I had to spend two hours with Kayla pawing between my legs and pressing her almighty fake rack against my arm!"

He grinned at her. "It is a nice rack..."

Penelope tossed her hands up and said, "You're hopeless!"

"I'm hopeless?" he remarked, narrowing his eyes at her. "At least my date was kind to you. Your date was nasty to me the whole evening, talking about how you're infatuated with me."

She stared at him for a minute, the most hopeless—and embarrassed—look on her face. "Kevin said I was infatuated with you?"

God, he was an ass. He never meant to hurt her. It made Derek feel terrible. It was obvious she still loved and cared for Lynch, and he'd made a complete mess of it tonight.

"Baby Girl," he said, sitting down. "It wasn't exactly like that..."

She sat next to him on the bed. "How _exactly_ was it, D?"

He scrubbed a hand over his face, scowling when mascara ended up on his hand. He almost wiped his hand on her hot pink dress, but then thought again about doing that; she didn't ruin his clothes or his relationship.

He looked at her and said, "Lynch said we were too close. He said you had feelings for me that you weren't willing to look into."

"Derek—"

"He also said I was trying to steal you away from him," he said quickly.

Penelope rolled her eyes. "He always thinks that."

"Well..." he began. It was time to come clean, completely clean, and start anew. He looked at Penelope, took a deep breath, and then said, "That's because he's been right."

"What?" she asked, her eyes going wide in surprise.

He smiled. He hadn't believed his eyes could go that wide, but Penelope had just proved him wrong. He thought about commenting, but he couldn't get sidetracked from what he needed to say.

"Penelope...I've wanted you for a long time. Longer than you would ever know," he said, and then paused and met her eyes. "Years, baby."

"Oh...oh, God."

"I am so sorry that it caused this much strife between you and Lynch," he said apologetically. "I didn't know it was that bad...or that I was that obvious." He chuckled a little. "Lynch could be a profiler."

"He's not that observant," she muttered.

Derek shrugged. "Anyway, bottom line is that I am a shitty best friend, and you deserve a hundred times better than me."

"No, I don't, D."

"I won't do it again," he said, his heart in his eyes. She noticed his expressions were so much more readable in her eyes, like he wasn't able to school them the way he usually did. "I won't stand in the way of your happiness," he paused, looking bleak. "Not anymore."

"Wait, Derek..."

He felt his stomach churn and his heart seize as he answered her, "That is why when Lynch gave me an ultimatum tonight, him or me...I chose him for you."

Her jaw dropped.

"I'll...I'll back off," he said. "I promise."

"Wait a damned second!" she snapped. "Are you nuts?"

He looked at her, very surprised. "Huh?"

She scoffed. "You are! You're more nuts than a tree full of pecans!"

"Hey!" he said, feeling affronted.

"Derek," she said, trying to calm herself, "when Kevin offered an ultimatum, you should've known I don't take well to those. He's done that to me before...and do you know who I always chose?"

He paused, his heart in his throat, at the rhetorical question.

"You _are_ around, aren't you?" she snapped. "Guess who?"

It wasn't rhetorical after all. "Oh, P...Baby.."

"And that! _Baby Girl_!" she snarled again. "You call _another woman_ Baby Girl when you come? What kind of thing is that to do? I would _never_ come under Kevin saying Hot St—"

"I do _not_ call another woman that!" he snapped back.

She laughed bitterly. "Ohhhh, yes, you do! You told Kayla—"

"It's _not_ another woman!" he interrupted her. "It's you."

She stared at him, confused.

"Baby," he said, putting his hands on her face. They felt so small, so cold against her cheeks, so different than when he usually did it, but the look in his eyes felt the same as it had always been. "It's you. I close my eyes, and I picture you. Every damn time."

"Oh, Derek," she whispered, tears clouding her eyes.

"I always have...I always will," he said, and then chuckled softly. "That just like how I love you, too, Penelope."

For a long time, they stood there, his hands on her face, her standing there, taller than him, tears streaming down her face.

"I...I never dreamed...I..."

"Lean down here, Baby Girl," he said with a smile. "I can't kiss you up there."

"Oh, Derek," she said, sweeping her arms around him and kissing him like he had seen it done in the movies a million times. A thousand rushing tingles hit him the moment her lips touched his. It was magic, it was passion, it was life and love and everything they had ever been to one another.

She held him in her arms, and he held her back, afraid to let go, never wanting to let go. When she pressed forward for more, moving her mouth against his to sweep her tongue inside, he opened fully for her, letting the tide rush him away.

Soon, he took the heat of passion in control, alpha male that he was, and began to kiss her. He moved his hands down the curve of her body, over her breast, to loop under her sweetly rounded bottom. Her lush softness felt good against his planes, and—

_Her__softness_.

"Derek!" she cried, ripping her mouth away from his as she came to the same realization. She began to cry and laugh in earnest. "We're...we're us!"

He beamed and laughed, too. "We are."

She paused for a second, in thought, and then said wistfully, "I'm going to miss being with you all the time...or at least part of you."

"You always had my heart," he said, as he held her a little closer. "That part will never change."

She touched his face lovingly with her fingertips. "Well, you can have mine, too. Then we're even..."

"You said it, Hot Stuff," he teased, before sweeping her up in his arms and continuing their magical kiss.

* * *

><p><em>AN2: So sorry I forgot to post this on my last chapters...better late than never, eh?<em>

**~*~ Profiler's Choice 2011 Fanfic Awards for the Criminal Minds Community ~*~**

**Hosted by ilovetvalot and tonnie2001969**

_It is our pleasure to announce the Second Annual Profiler's Choice Fanfic Awards for the Criminal Minds community!_

_The nomination ballot is now available, and all rules are posted on Chit Chat on Author's Corner forum! Nomination ballots must be received by October 15, 2011 and must be sent to this PM at Profiler's Choice CM Awards. Fics for consideration must have appeared on the CM section of between September 1, 2010 and August 31, 2011 (see rules for full details.)_

_Please read all rules prior to submitting ballots! Please PM at Profiler's Choice CM Awards with any questions._

_*******_** SPECIAL NOTE: For whatever reason, disabled the Profiler's Choice Awards PM system. That means all attempts to submit ballots failed from September 11 - 16. Could you all please help spread the word that anyone who tried to submit a ballot during this period listed above should RESEND their submissions. I am very sorry for any inconvenience this has caused. We really need help reaching all the different ships out there though. So, PLEASE, those willing to help, let me know if you can include this as part of your author's notes to readers.*****


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

_AN: We have reached the end of this one! I hope you enjoyed my strange little supernatural MG twist...Thanks for reading...reviewing...making my day-ing (LOL)... Love, Kricket_

**Warning: Strong Sexual Content**

They exchanged kisses. Soft and sweet kisses, hot and horny kisses, and kisses that ranged somewhere in between. It seemed like something they couldn't stop doing once they started. The magic continued to flow, keeping them in sync, together, in perfect harmony.

Derek carried her over to her couch, sitting down with her on his lap, and then slid his hands up her back and into her hair. At one time, Penelope would've fussed at him for picking her up and worried about how much she weighed, but she now had a very good idea of exactly how strong he was. It made her smile against his mouth, even while she still kissed him.

"Oh, sweetheart," he whispered against her lips with a happy sigh. "I have only one regret about this whole body switch we had."

She looked up at him through hooded eyes, still entranced by his kisses, but her curiosity piqued, too. "What is that, lover?"

"I would've loved to stay in your body for just a bit longer," he replied, kissing the side of her neck, causing a riot of goose bumps to roll down her spine, "just so I could learn exactly how to touch you...please you."

"Me, too," she answered, leaning her head back to give him better access to her throat. "I would want to know, too."

He lifted the heavy fall of her hair, kissing a bit farther down toward the junction of her neck and shoulder. "You already know how to please me..." he murmured, letting his words trail off suggestively.

She could feel the warmth of his erection under her bottom as she sat in his lap. She chuckled low in her throat as she gave a wiggle. "I think _he's_ easy to please."

"Uh uh," he answered, making little nipping kisses back up her neck. "He's very discriminating."

"Really?" she answered, her breath coming faster as he approached her ear again.

"Yes, Baby Girl," he purred softly, like a big, satisfied cat, as he nibbled her earlobe, and then licked it with his tongue. When he pulled away, his normally mocha eyes were now molten chocolate. "He knows exactly what he wants."

As he lifted her off his lap to put her on the couch, she asked, "What is that?"

He must've taken that question to be rhetorical, because he didn't bother to answer. She already knew the answer, and the resulting throbbing in her core said that her body knew the answer, too. His grin was sultry and filled with such wicked anticipation, her breath caught in her throat.

He extended his hand to her and said, "Come on, baby...come find out what brown can do for you..."

She laughed out loud—only Derek could get away with a comment as outlandish as that!—as he tugged her to her feet. "So, now you're the delivery man?"

He held her hand still as they walked into her bedroom. He stopped to raise her hands to his mouth and kissed first the left, and then the right. She found herself breathing heavy while she waited.

"Angel, I've got a very special delivery...one I've been waiting years to give you," he said.

She nearly rolled her eyes. Of course he'd think about _that_. She couldn't fault him; he wasn't lying—she knew it was _special_ after this morning! She opened her mouth, but he put a finger on her lips to silence her.

"Now, remember...it's fragile," he continued, causing her to frown in slight confusion. His smile was soft, gentle, and so full of love as he spoke, "And easily broken at times..."

Her eyes watered as she figured out what he really meant. "Oh, love bug..."

"Actually, sugar...I don't need to tell you the care and keeping of that particular item," he said again, pulling her into his arms. "You've had my heart all along..."

"Derek," she whispered, before his mouth captured hers again in a soft kiss that meshed their souls.

His voice was husky, dark, as he murmured fiercely, "Woman, I need to be with you...be one with you." He paused, and looked a little forlorn. "I can't explain it, baby...but I feel lost without you..."

She knew exactly what he meant. She had the same feeling, the same need, to join with him as one. That feeling of never being apart that kept resurfacing, touching every part of her being. He obviously felt it, too, which only added to the unique experience, the God-given gift they'd both received. This gift, to know one another more than anyone else could ever know—they had already had a lot of that in their lives together. This experience had just enhanced it even more.

Derek took a step away from her and tugged his shirt over his head. She stared at him as he did it, at the sculpted mocha chest, and she knew she should've been used to it, but she wasn't. He was seriously beautiful, in a way that other men simply were not.

"What?" he asked, watching her with a faint smirk on his face.

"You're so beautiful...like _should be made of plaster_ beautiful." Her hand hovered over his chest, almost as if she were afraid to touch him.

He clasped her hand and dragged it to the center of his chest. "I'm functional. I do it because I have to bring down people far bigger than me,"—he paused to grin at her—"and Rossi or Reid aren't about to do it, are they?"

She smiled, loving that he was keeping his sense of humor, a touch of familiarity in this land that was so new to them. She let her fingertips brush over a darker brown satiny nipple, the washboard segments of his rock hard abs, all the way to the button of his trousers.

When she reached the waistband, she met his eyes again, and said, "Thank heavens for functionality."

"Oh, woman," he said with a half chuckle, half groan. "You're killing me here."

She flattened both her palms on his chest. "I take it that's a good thing."

"Very," he said, as he reached his hands up to her dress and began sliding it down over her shoulders, kissing every inch of skin he came in contact with.

Derek was making a study of her body. This morning, as he'd dressed her, he didn't get to explore the satiny texture of skin the way he had wanted to, the full curves and nipped in valleys that begged for his fingers to touch. She said that he was cast in plaster; well, she was a work of art.

Her flavors were enticing. Soft, sweet, floral, with a berry essence, along with a warm smell of vanilla, flowed over most of her skin. It made him crave tasting more, the sweat of her aroused skin, the raspberry perfectness of her nipples, the warm sweet cream between her legs. He would savor it all, every nuance, and know it was all for him.

The top of her dress now pooled at her waist, baring the lacy pink bra she was wearing underneath. This morning, it had been a serviceable garment in her closet; now, it was something meant to drive him insane. Each perfect mound nearly overflowed the cup, each darker tip was clearly visible to his gaze.

"You know," he murmured thickly, bringing his hands up to cup the weight of her breasts, "since I didn't get a chance to know exactly what turned you on...you are going to have to tell me...what you like...what you want...You like this, Penelope?"

"Oh, God!" she moaned, as he drew concentric circles around her nipples, and then flicked his thumbs over them.

He smiled wickedly at her. "I take it that was a yes..."

Then her bra fell away from her body, and the velvety softness of his tongue lashed across her nipple. Immediately, she brought her hands up to the back of his head, directing, ordering him to suckle, to take the aching tip deep into his mouth.

Unfortunately, Derek didn't take well to orders.

Instead, he continued to tease, torment, and utterly please her, painting circles with his tongue, nipping with his teeth, all the while his hands slid down her body, drawing her dress over her hips. She was now wearing only her tiny thong underwear as she stood in front of him.

A pair she had sitting far in the back of her underwear drawer.

She pulled away from him and glared at him. "Derek...I never wear these."

"They're cute."

"They still had the price tag on them!"

Grinning wickedly and gripping her bare bottom with his hands, he said, "They don't anymore."

"I can't believe you—"

"Hey...I had to have _one_ little thrill," he answered. "Otherwise, I was _very_ good...and don't tell me you didn't sneak a peek."

Her answering blush was reply enough.

He laughed, and then asked, "What did you think?"

She turned her head and blushed with embarrassment, so he caught her chin and turned it back.

"Please?"

"When you are naked, you are the most beautiful man I have ever seen," she said softly. She met his eyes, and although her cheeks were pink, her eyes were hot and dark...and then she cupped him between his legs. "Every part of you..."

"Damn, girl," he whispered furtively, further words caught in his throat.

She placed her hand on his cheek. "You said I should tell you what I like...what I want..." Stepping forward until her nipples grazed his chest, she whispered, "I want you...now."

Those words snapped the rest of his control. "Oh, Penelope," he said, scooping her up into his arms again and laying her on the bed. He removed his pants and slid her panties—the pretty little things—down her legs.

He moved on top of her, trading kisses again, his body braced on his elbows above her. Her softness underneath him felt so good, as their mouths melded together in heated, slow exploration. His hardness felt welcomed by her soft breasts, her thighs, the cradle between her legs. It was a perfect match, as was everything about her.

But soon, the kisses became crazy hot again, his tongue demanding access, his hands delving in her hair to tug her head back farther. She met him, kiss for kiss, touch for touch, in this prelude to the dance.

"I have to be in you, Penelope," he rasped, needing her more than he had ever needed any woman. This went far beyond the physical, beyond anything he had ever known.

Moaning her compliance, Penelope raised her legs around his hips and arched as he reached between them, starting the slide into her body. That first touch—reuniting in each other's bodies—caused them to gasp in unison.

He went incredibly slow, just the thick tip of his erection, and then methodically inch after inch into the hot wet heaven of her body. Damn, she was tight and wonderful, and it was taking everything in his power not to thrust away like a mad man, but he wanted to bring her every pleasure, every single delight he could give her, and he would settle for nothing less. When he was fully seated in her, he was sweating, and his breathing was shallow from the effort it took.

"Are you okay?" he asked, and then clenched his teeth as he felt her muscles milk and squeeze him.

His only response from her was a low groan.

He slid his hips out slowly, and then pushed back in a rush of feeling, and felt her legs shaking under his, her body fluttering again. He did it again and again, drawing out more moans of satisfaction, stretching her to fit him. Arching her hips upward to meet his, she met every downward stroke...

"Oh, God!" she exclaimed, as tremors shook her, and she clung to him, her muscles clenching around him in rhythmic spasms. He stroked gently, kissing her softly, as she came down from that high...

Only to start all over as he continued stroking in that same, fantastic grind...

Soon, he was driving into her in a steady pace, over and over, as he felt the familiar tingles of impending climax beginning at his legs, his low back, his groin.

"One more time, baby," he encouraged softly.

Not wanting to orgasm without her, Derek slipped his hand between their bodies. He tweaked and toyed with her sensitive clit, and she cried out as she came again.

Derek felt his body stiffen, felt completely blinded by pure pleasure, before he was pouring out deep within her. Their rhythmic pulses were timed perfectly together in an intimate cadence.

He was deep inside Penelope, like he had been this morning—only this time, a part of him was staying forever. It was a remarkable feeling, like it was where he was meant to be. Where he was always meant to be...the two of them together...a cosmically perfect match.


End file.
